no, not Pink Floyd..there are no lasers here and I'm clearly not stoned. But this is what it looks like...the wall....I'm up against it...flat...no energy, no juice, nothing motivating me to go on...I think my stomach looks the same as when I began two weeks ago...I'm not able to finish the easiest of the DVD's..the stretching (I left 15 minutes for tomorrow)...I'm at the point where, with some really solid, hard working days I could end up 3 days ahead of schedule by this Wednesday...and all I want to do is give up, order a pizza, drink Coke, and say FUCK IT! This is hard..this is very hard to motivate myself every day. Nobody else on the face of the earth right now is pushing for me...3, more likely 2...and honestly only 1 other human being alive is even noticing my posts...and 0 are commenting....this is life...alone...nobody is there for me and nobody has been for 6 years...everything that has come, has been done by my own internal grit...
That might be motivation enough...
Time to quit bitching and dig deep
BRING IT!
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I don't know what to say. I guess I'm feeling a bit offended now. There has alway been a fine line for me to walk. Either I'm hovering or I distant. I do understand your frustration to a lesser degree than you probably are feeling. I choose to move away from my family too and have always felt like an outsider. However, I do know that dad and you kids are always there for me when I feel the world has forgotten all about me, as I would hope you know we are here for you as well. Regardless of our distance, I do think of you daily. I miss you more than I can say. Even now typing to you and thinking of you, I am tearing up and feeling your pain. You are a very strong man...inside and out!
ReplyDeleteBring it!